Smoke rings and non-studio music.

I have always loved sitting on the footbridge. It feels good even though you're doing nothing on there. Stopping and taking a break from reality often give you that faint idea of being left behind; like instead of watching your feet stay on the same ground, you're supposed to be achieving something. Not because you need to, but because everyone else seems to be reaching out for a greater perhaps. We end up chasing nothing just like those little poor souls.

But being on higher ground takes away that feeling. You feel like you're in control of everything. You feel like you could change terrible things and terrible stories with those pair of hands. You feel invincible.

No, not really. You don't feel invincible. You just stop giving a damn about everything in life.

*

And we sat there, watching the buzzing cars that didn't seem like they were approaching at all from far, far away suddenly disappear below us, like how the inevitable things in life we have intelligently foresaw and prepared ourselves for could still be an explosive ball of surprise that would hit us so hard in the head. We wondered where these people were heading to. And we talked about dainty little nothings.

'What are you thinking?'

'That my death is only a bridge away. If this bridge we're sitting on suddenly vanished, I'd get to enjoy a split second of ecstatic free fall. And BAM.'

Wanderers.

I want to search for you, in tears; in the rain. I want run until I catch the edge of your shirt. Even if it means I am to lose the last of my breath.

Of ocean waves and deep breaths.

Oh, little lungs, take a deep breath and drown in ocean waters. 

Of direction and location.

Wherever I'm heading to, I hope the journey is beautiful.

Revelry.

'Time mends a broken heart.'

Nothing mends a broken heart. The pain will always be there. Some days, every single delicate bone hurts so bad that you literally can't move. Every breath you take hurts, your lungs feel like they're collapsing. But you can't not breathe. And all you want to do is to lay on the bed with your eyes wide open, trying to fill up the hollow in your heart. Emptiness is a form of pain which makes you feel numb. It takes away all your strength and passion. 

While on some other days, where the pain decides to take a day off from keeping you company, you get to live a normal life. But you might just pass out. If you were dead, an autopsy will only reveal nothing, nothing but decayed flesh from the inside of your body. Because these feelings slowly molder everything you have inside you. Your dignity, your pride, and your ability to feel.

You are a zombie.

Time won't mend a broken heart. Time only makes it hurt less. But this pain that lingers acts as a reminder. It reminds you of all that you have been through. And how much you've learnt from experiences. And that you are alive, human, and feeling. Looking back always baffles me. There was a point in life, where I was so sad that, I swear, I could feel my airways closing up. How did I go through all that?

And here I am. Reminiscing and contemplating.