My dear,

And you lie awake on your bed, letting all free thoughts and feelings flood through your mind.

What do I do when...

Palpitation.

I have some serious man pride issue.

Revelry.

'Time mends a broken heart.'

Nothing mends a broken heart. The pain will always be there. Some days, every single delicate bone hurts so bad that you literally can't move. Every breath you take hurts, your lungs feel like they're collapsing. But you can't not breathe. And all you want to do is to lay on the bed with your eyes wide open, trying to fill up the hollow in your heart. Emptiness is a form of pain which makes you feel numb. It takes away all your strength and passion. 

While on some other days, where the pain decides to take a day off from keeping you company, you get to live a normal life. But you might just pass out. If you were dead, an autopsy will only reveal nothing, nothing but decayed flesh from the inside of your body. Because these feelings slowly molder everything you have inside you. Your dignity, your pride, and your ability to feel.

You are a zombie.

Time won't mend a broken heart. Time only makes it hurt less. But this pain that lingers acts as a reminder. It reminds you of all that you have been through. And how much you've learnt from experiences. And that you are alive, human, and feeling. Looking back always baffles me. There was a point in life, where I was so sad that, I swear, I could feel my airways closing up. How did I go through all that?

And here I am. Reminiscing and contemplating.

Robust.

我跟我哥一起長大　他們都很堅強
所以我從小就很想像他們一樣



某天我的床在大半夜垮了　我哥都在大學念書　
無論我再怎麼用力　都搬不動我的床
只能一直哭　一直哭　

最後　還是自己把床給修好了
之後的每一次　都只靠自己　




外婆去世的時候　他們都沒哭　連眼眶都沒紅
我忍了三天　最後才在洗澡的時候哭得嘻哩嘩啦的



我知道我腦袋有問題　可是哭對我來說真的太弱了
說我冷血也好　腦殘也好
別人在我面前哭　我也會覺得很厭煩
真弱



哭也沒用　所以我不哭

Embrace.

這篇是特別為麥可打的（笑）



ㄟ　死東西
他是我的好朋友　一開始知道他跟你交往　我還真興奮（笑） 很想跟你好好相處　
結果咧　你跟我想像中的麥可差超遠的!!
可是我也不討厭你啦

後來咧　在我家發生的那件事情就讓我覺得
'ㄟ　這個女的是怎樣啊　靠腰喔' （笑）
整個氣氛就是殭死了　



其實你人也還好啦　只是每天怕這個怕那個
我覺得很昏（笑）

好啦其實一人錯一半　
死東西    你咧　就什麼都不敢說出來　自己憋個鬼
我咧　根本就沒辦法體諒你　覺得你們這種女生無聊死了　很煩　
因為我根本就不像個女生啊（笑）



跟你相處是一個很不一樣的體驗（哈哈好嚴重的說法）
你很娘　我卻那麼Man　
一定要好好體諒對方才行

所以　那個　現在都解釋清楚了八
希望以後可以跟你好好相處（笑）
我們一起幸福八（笑）